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December 5th, 2022

Poem by Aykut Kutucu

Photograph by Carter Cumbo

I’ve become an acquaintance now
Despite all our efforts otherwise.

I’ve become a memory
an instant in infinity
A distance in proximity
A terrible lie that caught echoing
In vast depths of joy and pleasure
A self-deflecting justification that promises
Much more than it can achieve
An affect
That by catching yourself looking into one’s eyes deeply
You feel contempt at yourself
Trying to puke your self, ridding of itself
In an attempt to put your shame to shelf
Only to find it standing there whenever you are
Motivated to start over and over again
To find yourself looking down instead of looking life directly
in the eyes –

Still with a smile
But not of joy this time.

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